Wednesday 29th July

4:36am - London time!!

Only a little over an hour of the 13 hour flight to go and my feet will be back on English soil. The flight's actually been fairly nice as I managed to sleep for a good chunk of it, and I've entertained myself for the rest of it by finishing my book and watching a couple of films.
     Once we arrive at Heathrow, all that's left to do is to collect our bags and begin the last leg of the journey back to Wymondham where Dad will pick me up. And that will be it. The journey of my life will be over; our expedition to Borneo will be done.
     Only it won't be done, not really. I know it's so cliché, but I know that the past month has seen me grow so, so much as a person. I'm still the same old Soph of course, but for the first time ever, I truly feel like I know what that means. I'm not scared to be myself anymore. I've always been confident and independent in my own way, but also always so shy and insecure; so scared of what others think of me that I've always sacrificed myself slightly in order to 'conform'. But this month... this month has changed everything. Because when you're nearly 7,000 miles away from everything and everyone you know and love, you suddenly realise that the world isn't such a small place as sleepy old Norfolk makes it seem. Outside the boundaries of everything you know lies a whole new world just waiting for you to discover it. It's just up to you to make that choice to go out there and find it.
      I've grown up in the same house in the same town for all of my life, and I've always dreamed of escaping to somewhere new and broadening my horizons, but I was always a little scared. Scared of the unknown mostly. Who knows what big bad monsters are lurking out there in the darkness of uncertainty?
     Now I'm ready. Borneo has showed me that, even when you think you're old and wise beyond your years; when you've fallen into the dangerous trap of being content with the safety of what you know - that's when it's time to move, and to push yourself out there beyond the point which you were so convinced was your limit. I'm not going to pretend that I found every moment of the last month easy, because at times it was the complete opposite, and sometimes, when I was completely exhausted and covered in bites and sweat and mud and feeling like I was ready to drop, I questioned whether I would even make it through to the other side. But I did make it, and sitting here being able to write that is probably one of the proudest moments of my life.
     Borneo taught me how big and magnificent and gloriously intimidating the world out there really is. What does it really matter what those kids in high school thought of you when you can go anywhere you want, as far away from those memories as you like? What does one person who had it in for you matter when there are billions of others living out their lives across the planet, who don't  even know that you exist yet, let alone be bothered by it? What does that time you really embarrassed yourself (okay: many, many times) matter, when it's all so insignificant? In the grand scheme of things, everything is insignificant, and that's what's so great!
     I've grown up in a small little world and suddenly all the walls I thought made up the boundaries of my existence have crumbled into dust and revealed a hundred, a thousand, more paths that I can walk down if I choose to.
     And that's why this journey isn't over. I may now be thousands of miles away from Borneo again, and I may be about to travel back to sleepy Norfolk once more, but it's only temporary. This expedition isn't over because really it's more of a beginning. My eyes are open, my first big adventure in life is complete, and I can't wait for the next one to begin, whatever it may be. Whatever I do, it's my choice which path I take, and for the first time I truly feel in control of my life and what I want to do with it.
    Of course not every second of the last month was the best time of my life. At times I've felt terrible, and spectacularly insecure with no confidence in myself, and completely dependent on those around me. But at other times I've been utterly exhilarated, had my breath completely taken away from me, and I've witnessed the most incredible moments of my little life so far. I can honestly and truthfully say that this has been the best choice I have ever made, and all the stress and hard work that it took to get to this point was so, so worth it, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. It's been the hardest month of my life, and the biggest challenge of my life, but that's the point. And hey, look - I'm still alive!!
    I'm only 18 years old. I'm still very young and I'm so glad for that because I really feel like my life has just begun. My childhood has been the opening credits, and now we're really getting to the action. I'm still the same daughter/granddaughter/friend etc that I was a month ago. I'm still the same person, but now there's a restlessness to go places and do things and never sit still!
     I'm Sophie Nicole Miller. I've always been her, but thanks to Borneo, I think I now truly understand what that means, and I'm ready to take on the world.